Saturday, June 11, 2016

Should I or Shouldn't I

I'm in my living room, seated in an over-sized chair next to an opened window, pleading with nature to allow this cool-ish weather to linger for a little while longer. 

I just finished scanning through Netflix for about an hour to find something to watch. I'm going to relax today no matter what. After all that time, I settled on a movie I may or may not have already seen. And where did "My List" go? Surely there's something on there to gaze at. One day I'll figure this thing out.

First, let me say this about the state of my mental health. I'm fantastic. I'm moving forward with the power of being positive and finding the good in everything (among other things like daily affirmations, meditation, yoga, accepting and releasing my past and living in the here and now, reading, studying, listening, watching the beauty of the world as your here and now unfolds). Most of you will leave now because you're against the fact that this could actually work. Want to know how I know? I was you once. Then one day, after hospitalization, I was reintroduced to the idea after turning my nose up at it time and again. This time was different though. Want to know why? Because I was ready. And so it is...

Second, I'm still taking my medication. I'm not safe enough in my own mind to take away the chemicals that help to balance me out. For now. I've added some vitamins to the mix (Fish oil, vitamin D, Magnesium). I was listening to a prerecorded show of a talk given by Dr. Northrup and I was sold. 

Third, I was contacted to contribute my story to a book. It's volume 2 of a book as volume 1 did rather well and there are more stories to be told. I'm torn on this one. I'm not 100% by any means, but if I were to do this, I'd rather my story pick up from most recent incidents and leave it where I am today, feeling better than I have in years. I don't want to take a trip back to the dark side. I want that in my past, buried in the ground for now, unless it's going to wholeheartedly help someone with their current situation. I feel like I've done that to death and there's enough of my story online to be found. 

700-1000 words---What do you think? Should I do it?

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

I haven't had too much to say here because I've been too busy making my life better and that can be rather time consuming (in a good way). 

I want to say this though. Last night, something big happened to me. I came across the instrument I used to self-harm. Back in those days, it helped me to feel again. Something. Anything. Even if it was just pain. Well... I got rid of it. It's not just in a hiding place if I later decided I need it. I threw it in the trash. It's gone forever. Why? Because I don't need it any longer and I never will again. 

I've come far. 

Really far.

I'm proud of myself. 

I have so much left to learn and a lot to look forward to. 

That's not to say I don't get down on myself if I have a bad moment or even a bad day. It happens. 

Yesterday is the past. Those moments are history. 

I'm living in the moment.

It's a breath of fresh air. You should try it. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Smiling is Contagious

A little over a week ago I received a phone call from my sister. I've never sat still for so long listening to a person speak. I hung onto her every word. Over the span of about an hour, I was introduced to Louise Hay and Dr. Wayne Dyer. 

A few days later I received the most wonderful package filled with books, DVDs and CDs. Every single day since I've gobbled up words and philosophies, and quite honestly, some of the most simple guidance tools I have ever heard. It made the light go on in my head and each day it glows brighter. 

I've taken notes, made affirmation note cards, cried over just about everything (in a good way), and smiled more than I have in months. 

When I reached a specific point in Hay's You Can Heal Your Life, it all made sense. She explains that this way of living isn't for everyone but eventually you come around. It's all about timing. When you're ready, it will find you, and the healing can begin. 

I have a lot of work to do. It will be a life long obstacle. I'm excited that this way of life found me when it did. 

I used to wake up every morning, without fail, and curse the day. Why was I still alive? What do I have to look forward to? Now when I wake up, the first thing I do is smile. While still in bed, I reach for my phone to read the day's affirmations in my email, new ones I haven't heard yet. Then I grab my stack of affirmation cards I made and I read all of the ones meant for beginning a new day while my coffee pot wakes up. Then I head to the shower and as I'm going through the motions I whisper all of the things I am thankful for. It's hard to do that without smiling. 

Smiling is contagious, you know. 

Does all of this mean I don't have moments of anger or negativity? Of course not. Now I'm armed with the tools to get through these moments until I can smile again.

I haven't been this happy in a long time. I have my sister to thank.