Tuesday, May 3, 2016

I haven't had too much to say here because I've been too busy making my life better and that can be rather time consuming (in a good way). 

I want to say this though. Last night, something big happened to me. I came across the instrument I used to self-harm. Back in those days, it helped me to feel again. Something. Anything. Even if it was just pain. Well... I got rid of it. It's not just in a hiding place if I later decided I need it. I threw it in the trash. It's gone forever. Why? Because I don't need it any longer and I never will again. 

I've come far. 

Really far.

I'm proud of myself. 

I have so much left to learn and a lot to look forward to. 

That's not to say I don't get down on myself if I have a bad moment or even a bad day. It happens. 

Yesterday is the past. Those moments are history. 

I'm living in the moment.

It's a breath of fresh air. You should try it. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Smiling is Contagious

A little over a week ago I received a phone call from my sister. I've never sat still for so long listening to a person speak. I hung onto her every word. Over the span of about an hour, I was introduced to Louise Hay and Dr. Wayne Dyer. 

A few days later I received the most wonderful package filled with books, DVDs and CDs. Every single day since I've gobbled up words and philosophies, and quite honestly, some of the most simple guidance tools I have ever heard. It made the light go on in my head and each day it glows brighter. 

I've taken notes, made affirmation note cards, cried over just about everything (in a good way), and smiled more than I have in months. 

When I reached a specific point in Hay's You Can Heal Your Life, it all made sense. She explains that this way of living isn't for everyone but eventually you come around. It's all about timing. When you're ready, it will find you, and the healing can begin. 

I have a lot of work to do. It will be a life long obstacle. I'm excited that this way of life found me when it did. 

I used to wake up every morning, without fail, and curse the day. Why was I still alive? What do I have to look forward to? Now when I wake up, the first thing I do is smile. While still in bed, I reach for my phone to read the day's affirmations in my email, new ones I haven't heard yet. Then I grab my stack of affirmation cards I made and I read all of the ones meant for beginning a new day while my coffee pot wakes up. Then I head to the shower and as I'm going through the motions I whisper all of the things I am thankful for. It's hard to do that without smiling. 

Smiling is contagious, you know. 

Does all of this mean I don't have moments of anger or negativity? Of course not. Now I'm armed with the tools to get through these moments until I can smile again.

I haven't been this happy in a long time. I have my sister to thank. 

Saturday, April 16, 2016

People Can Change

When I woke up this morning I had a huge smile on my face. I rolled over, sunk deeper into my pillows and drew the blanket up to my chin. I was thankful for the extra few hours of restful sleep.

Then I remembered what day it was. No, not that it was the weekend. It's storm warning day. Spring snow in Denver can be a dangerous, heavy and wet experience. I'm delighted at the idea that I am locked in my apartment with no thoughts of leaving until Monday. I also hope that anyone who needs to step outside today does so with caution.

I looked out the window and my usual view of the mountains was fogged over, hiding behind the haze of the thick snowfall coming down steadily. 

My agenda today is small but it gives me joy. I'll spend it reading, cooking, baking, writing, watching TV, listening to the boys make up silly games...relaxing! 

My mental health is rather balanced and has been for the past several days. I had some labs drawn and my doctor called me to review and tweak some of my medication. 

I have to say that I'm doing rather well. I'm trying to find the good in my surroundings and each time I feel my mind thinking a negative thought I stop it in its tracks and start over.

It finally feels as if the universe is aligned and the changes I am making are falling into place. 

It's unbelievable to me that the things I am doing to make a better life for myself and those surrounding me are things I would have thought were too new-agey or out in left field just last year. I wasn't ready to accept it then but after a single conversation a week ago where I sat still and listened with an efficient ear, I saw the world in a new light. 

I'm excited for what's to come!