Thursday, March 12, 2015

Clear the Room

That was the loudest fart I have heard in my life!

--The Husband

I know a lot of people who swear they -do not, will not, will never- fart in front of their significant others. 

To that I say pfffft! Why in the hell not?

What do you do all day long...hold onto it until your stomach is going to explode? Because let me tell you, when you think you're alone in the bathroom and you let it go over and over (since by now it's so backed up you'll need to let loose for hours), your husband/wife is right outside that door listening and laughing on the inside because...he/she doesn't fart! You're not really all alone like you might think.

I've been with my husband for over seventeen years. I wasn't my nasty self with him at the start. That kind of awesome has to be eased into. Nowadays it's all eye rolls and walking out of the room and I can't evens. 

One time specifically I was in bed and my husband was down the hall washing his hands in the bathroom. I knew what was about to happen was going to be epic. I just didn't know how epic. I let that sucker fly and it was like a drive by shooting. When my husband returned to the bedroom he was all, "Did you hear that noise?" His hands were poised in the air before him. I could see the horror behind his unsuspecting eyes. I of course, played it off like I had no idea what he was talking about. I don't know how many days later it was until I confessed that it was me. I honestly don't think he believed me. Like it wasn't possible. Oh...it's possible. We laugh to tears about it now because OH MY GOD! 

So I say do what your body was created to do. Noises, smells, appearances and all. I can tell you this...you know those moments when you just want to be alone for a bit? Clear the room!


This post was written based on the writing prompt: Write a blog post inspired by the word: Embarrassed.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Share your thoughts!