Monday, March 16, 2015

That Which Never Comes

For three out of four people with Bipolar Disorder, sleep problems are the most common signal that a period of mania is about to occur.

I've been dealing with a lot of situational bullshit for over a week now. Friday's issues sealed the deal on all of it. 

Saturday night, I fell asleep on the couch for about an hour. I like to set myself up on my couch and get some sleep because I know it will be more restful than dragging my ass to my bed, where sleep is ragged. 

I woke up on the couch and went into the kitchen to take some herbal sleep pills (I may as well be swallowing sugar) and went off to bed. To bed where I lay for hours. Where sleep didn't rear its ugly face. 

By 1am the stomach cramps set in, as they often do when I'm exhausted but can't find sleep. I finished reading a book then checked in on all the social media outlets on my phone. By 3am I was pissed at the world. I forced myself into a position and didn't move. Eventually I dozed off. At 7am the fire alarm in the bedroom began to randomly beep. Loud. I knew that was it for me.

Can't catch a fucking break ever. 

I found a mental health clinic here in town that won't turn people away even if they can't pay. I'm calling first thing Monday morning. I'm done with everything.

Mood stabilizer, anti-depressant, anti-anxiety...I can't wait to swallow them all (and by all I don't mean the entire contents). Each one with their own set of side-effects.

It'll be a fucking joy.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Share your thoughts!