Thursday, March 19, 2015

That's Why

Are you suicidal?

Are you homicidal?

What made you call us today?

When contacting a new office of psychiatry, you're usually faced with these three questions. 

The first one makes me squirm (because sometimes the answer is yes). The second one makes me twitch. The third one makes me question why I called in the first place. It makes you feel like, oh, you're not going to take me seriously and see me soon unless I answer "yes" to the first two questions. 

Unless I'm a danger to myself or to others, you're going to sweep me under the rug until you have an opening to shove me into. 

How long until I can get in to see a psychiatrist? I'm bipolar and need to get back on my meds.

We have a shortage of psychiatrists right now. I can get you in to see a therapist who will evaluate your place in line to see a doctor. In two weeks.

Sigh.

As a person with mental illness, placing the initial call for help is difficult. 

Being shut down as a result of reaching out in the first place is like taking a bullet.

We want to help you, but it's not up to you how quickly we're going to do that.

This country needs to wake the fuck up. 

Let's continue to let the mentally ill go without help until it's too late and see what happens. Then people wonder why so much crime has fingers pointed toward the reason of insanity plea. 

That's not to say those of us without proper care, upkeep if you will, will go out and commit a crime. 

But it's a goddamn possibility. 

The struggle is real.

Maintenance is a necessity. Mental maintenance should be a priority. Not a last resort.

So here I sit, unmedicated and exhausted. My thoughts racing. Anxiety shooting me directly in my veins. 

Because I'm not important enough to be seen sooner.

Because I don't have health insurance because I'm too busy paying for my family to survive because you don't get paid enough in America to make ends meet because WHY?

Because FUCK YOU! That's why.

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