Tuesday, November 24, 2015

20 Reasons Why Depression Can Go Fuck Itself

-Breaking down in front of your family when you've been so good at hiding it.

-Having to leave the room after a breakdown to cry in the bathroom even though you know they know you're crying.

-Crying in the morning because your eyes will burn for the rest of the day reminding you that you cried.

-Not being able to tell your psychiatrist the full extent of how you're feeling at your appointment like you're self harming (again) and you're having thoughts that you don't want to live anymore (again).

-Faking for others that you're okay when you're not okay because they'll tell you how much better it's going to get and what do you have to be depressed about and WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I JUST BE OKAY?

-Not having plans for Thanksgiving because I won't have my kids and I thought I'd be okay with cleaning the house and doing laundry then taking a long hot bath and grilling up some dinner and watching Netflix in place of being with my kids but nothing can replace them. Ever.

-Knowing that just a few short weeks ago you were riding a high like no other and how did I get back here?

-Not knowing how long it will last this time.

-Will it get better because everyone keeps saying it will.

-Having your medication tweaked because...EPIC FAIL and feeling like you need to take your anti-anxiety pill because...as needed...but if you do you're giving into the shit storm.

-Paranoia. The fear that people are hiding things from you, talking about you behind your back, saying they get what you're going through BUT HOW COULD YOU?

-Knowing that because I'm suffering so are the people around me and they're probably so over this by now just as much as I am.

-Not wanting to do anything.

-Being antisocial.

-Writing when in this state of mind worries other people because of the darkness.

-Not really wanting to eat because I love food so fucking much so I eat once maybe twice a day and then my stomach ties in knots because anxiety will do that to a motherfucker.

-Everything is boring.

-Wanting to drink alcohol because at least it numbs the pressure inside of my head.

-Looking at the clock and it's only 7:00pm and all you want to do is go to bed because...if only this day would just end already and really why go to sleep when you're just going to wake up a dozen times because your mind won't stop telling you lies.

-Not being able to ask for help with the daily routine because it'll mean you've failed as a human being and couldn't do it yourself.

5 comments:

  1. The holidays are always the hardest without your kids.Holidays were made for them.

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  2. I identify with this point you made and my Anxiety: "-Looking at the clock and it's only 7:00pm and all you want to do is go to bed because...if only this day would just end already and really why go to sleep when you're just going to wake up a dozen times because your mind won't stop telling you lies." Great phrasing ... "your mind won't stop telling you lies"

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  3. This is very relatable, and straight to the point :) It's so difficult feeling like you're on a never-ending cycle of anxiety and depression..but I guess, the more we open up to loved ones, the better. It helps me; to a point!
    Life inside the Locket

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  4. Am I the only one thinking what's up with the warm and fuzzy comments?! Forgive me, but I think it's the perfect time to chime in and say ... it's an I don't give a shit kinda day, and that's okay!

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