Monday, November 9, 2015

Depression is a Lying Bastard

Depression is filled with lies and ugly underlying issues.

It hovers over you whispering sweet nothings into your ear...You stupid bitch! What are you doing with your life? You're nothing and you'll never amount to anything. 

I'd tell it to fuck off on a normal day but depression tricks you into thinking the lies are the truth.

Depression not only gets into your own head, but the heads of others. The people in your life get a little gust of wind blown at them and start saying things to you that you're already thinking and make you feel even worse about yourself.

Don't you think this is bad timing? Oh! This isn't a convenient time for YOU to turn MY LIFE upside down? The fuck was I thinking?

Someone told me this weekend that my headaches probably aren't related to my medication dose, which is minuscule. Migraine medication (even though I don't suffer from migraines) didn't touch the surface. Alcohol numbed it a little. My headache is the result of the bullshit happening in my life right now and the people who are making me feel like garbage in the process for following through with my actions.

I just want to be happy.

I want help.

I want my problems to be someone else's problems.

I want to smile and fucking mean it.

I want to tell you I'm Fine and feel it.

I want to build a fucking blanket fort in my living room and watch movies with my kids and spill popcorn all over the floor and not have it be a problem.

I want more.

I fucking deserve more.

Depression is a lying bastard.

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