Monday, November 16, 2015

This is Why I Should Never Leave My House

There are a few things totally unrelated to mental health in any way that I need to get off my chest.

Keep up.

If I'm in my car in a parking lot waiting for your ass to get across the street so I can move on with my day, walk across the damn street. Focus. Do the hustle. Don't do it diagonally because it will take you twice as long. Move your ass in a straight line. It's not my fucking problem if you forgot where you parked or you're balancing your five kids, talking on the phone, looking for your car, and can't find your keys all at once. That's not multitasking asshole. It's a hot mess. And you're probably not even hot.

On to the second scenario...


I'm out shopping. Probably for groceries because I'm not your typical girl. I buy my clothes/shoes/underwear/makeup online because I can't handle the pressure in person. I'm standing in the aisle with all the crackers trying to decide if today's the day I'll branch out and try flavored Wheat Thins or go with the usual (always the latter). Then you bring your ass and stop right in front of me to pick out some strange flavored goldfish that shouldn't have been created in the first place. And I'm all...Oh, I'll just wait. Not a problem. Take your fucking time. 

This is why one day I'm going to branch out and pay a motherfucker to do my shopping for me.

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