Saturday, December 5, 2015

Anxiety Triggers

I have two triggers that make me feel like I've been pushed down one of those slides that circle around and around and around, resembling the small intestine. It's got more twists and turns than a category five tornado. 

Noise and social situations do me in.

Shouting, cheering, singing, laughing, talking too loud...

I've been told to get over it. To suck it up. Why should others have to be unhappy just because I am? That's just it...it's not that I'm unhappy. It's that in an instant, it stabs my anxiety to the maximum. It's a trigger no matter what my mood is. I can be flying high and noise will bring me crashing down faster than a plane with a giant hole in its wing in which a made for TV movie was created.

Going to a party, a barbecue, family gathering, the grocery store, my kid's school...

All of these things set me on the edge of my seat. I want to get in and get out with as little contact as possible. Small talk makes me want to claw your face off so you appear on an upcoming episode of Botched. In a few weeks I'm chaperoning my son's school field trip. Tiny six year old children will swarm around my dark soul and test my strength. I'm scared.

The way I feel is if the people in your life don't understand and continue to test your triggers, then they don't respect you.

I'm definitely not saying that it's all about me 24/7, but respect should be.

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