Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Post (mostly) About Nothing

I got my ass kicked at work this week. Same work I do every single month but it felt doubled. I love being busy and I love that I work with numbers every day (geek) and I love my industry (construction). I spent a good part of the week hearing twenty men (who are worse than women) cursing about the combo printer/copy machine. I'm all...Put fucking paper in it! Select your paper size! The fucking red light shows you where the jam is! You need a girl to do this for you? Every issue has its own beeping sound to tell you what the fuck is wrong with the beast. When in doubt, unplug the fucker. So holy hellacious-ness am I'm tired.

The minute I walked into the apartment last night and realized the chicken I was going to cook for dinner was still frozen (insert huge grin), I poured a glass of wine (prior to taking off my coat) and took a long pull from the glass. It instantly became a frozen pizza and peaches from a jar kind of evening.

Lucky for me I wasn't hungry. Once the kids were eating three days' worth of sodium in one sitting, I poured some bourbon. I've lost my appetite for the last several weeks (thank you medication). My lunch for the past few days consisted of two cookies each day. Knowing I wanted to consume additional alcohol I choked down some cheese and crackers.

Once the clock struck 5am this morning, I couldn't get back to sleep. I'm not hungover, just tired. Tired to the extreme. It's going to be a nap kind of day (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Snow is supposed to be falling right now, my excuse for not grocery shopping, but dammit, it's not. I do have that chicken from yesterday though so there's that. Nobody is suffering from hunger. Hello grocery shopping on Sunday when all the church goers will be marching around the store in their fancy get up while I drag ass in my yoga pants. I might wear shoes with laces. That's to be determined.

Here's the thing. I'm totally not depressed anymore. I know that's a good thing. I think I'm mentally and physically tired of not knowing what the future holds for me.

I up and moved my family across the country 2 1/2 years ago and I've got a fantastic job (see first paragraph) but the unknown is too much. My kids are happy. They have family here. I do not. Things at home are parting ways at the current time. I'm pretty sure we're beyond the sting of that, but it's like The Clash asks ...Should I stay or should I go? New Jersey is beckoning me home but I think I've got a minimum of eleven years before that's going to happen. By then, the unknown better be more known so I know what to do (is that like a triple negative?).

This post is going nowhere in a hurry.

I finished reading a fantastic book today (review to come later). I had to reread the pages I read last night in my drunken haze. Then I fed the shortie some breakfast.

What do you want to eat?

Blueberry poptarts.

There isn't any.

I want it.

There fucking isn't any. Toaster strudel?

Okay.

One or two.

Three.

You're getting two.

Stomps off to his room. Fuck bag.

Then I sat and stared at that giant green container holding the fucking Christmas tree. Sweet funky Jesus! I put it up. Well, it's standing. The star is drooping forward. There's no decorations on it. The branches are jammed in the same position they were in when I pulled it all out. My thinking is we have so many goddamn ornaments, the branches will fall into place all on its own. Am I right?

And so...this is what I call, Saturday.

1 comment:

  1. Numbers everyday? No thanks! Lol. We finally finished our tree this weekend too, and I have to say, it's not pretty. But it's as good as it's going to get! Oh well =-/

    I love your blog and writing. My kind of humor. Thanks for sharing. -Krista

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