Thursday, February 18, 2016

Anxiety Laced Dreams

"I just don't want you to be in your car thinking that you're driving when you're sitting on the side of the road!" 
--Jack's thought on Marijuana for Anxiety (said while laughing)

I had an appointment yesterday. So many things came to the surface and I have some situational bullshit being thrown into the mix that is interfering with my mental health. 

I'll just get the above out of the way....why is health insurance so fucking expensive? 

Since I moved to Colorado, I've been lucky enough that my kids and husband have been covered by the State at no charge to us. I've been working for a kick ass company for close to a year now and I'm finally being paid my worth after all these years in the business. According to the State of Colorado, it's too much money for them to continue helping me with my family's insurance (I get mine through my employer). My proposed question to them is...Where the fuck do you think I'm going to find an extra $800 per month to put them on my insurance?


My kids are rather healthy but stuff happens. They're boys and break bones and shit. They have teeth and eyes and bodies that need to be maintained. My husband needs this insurance for medication reasons. Without this insurance, we're fucked. 

So 24 hours a fucking day, I worry about this in addition to my already existing fucked up head. 

Last night I increased one of my medications to see if it tapers off some of this anxiety. I was told I could increase my anti-anxiety meds as needed and I also got a referral to swing by the local weed shop for some drops specially formulated for anxiety (approved by Jack as long as I don't need it all day, every day). 

I know I need a few days for any change to occur but I'm fucking tired. I'm getting very little sleep. Due to this lack of sleep I'm starting to sort of hear and see shit. Jack says I'm bordering on having a psychotic episode. Go me! Another day --another new plan, I guess. 

I tried the drops last night and had trouble falling asleep and when I did, it was like my dreams were injected with the anxiety I normally have when my eyes were open. Not only that, by 1am I was in the kitchen eating Thin Mints directly out of the freezer. 

Next time I'm hitting the Maker's Mark. 


  1. Choose your poison, I guess. I don't know if pot is the answer but I'm pretty sure that alcohol isn't. That's just my experience. You need specialized advice on your anxiety. And I mean real professional advice. Work, family, people, life are full of triggers. Just get some coping skills. Learn what sets you off. Learn ways to defuse anxiety. Much better for you than alcohol. I'm not a doctor, but I am a fellow sufferer.

    1. Thank you Brandon! I didn't know there were doctors who specialize in anxiety but I need one!


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