Monday, February 15, 2016

Do you know...?

Do you know what it feels like to be so tired that your vision is blurred and you see double?

Do you know what it feels like to want to go to sleep with both eyes shut without feeling worry?

Do you know what it feels like to actually sleep with one eye open?

Do you know what it feels like to be alone in a room with a group of people in the next and you begin to shake because they must be talking about you?

Do you know what it feels like to be in the above situation and confront those people only to find out they were talking about their weekend? 

Do you know what it feels like to hear the wind howling outside while you're home alone and you swear it's "them" coming to get you?

Do you know what it feels like to step out on your balcony the day after "they" told to jump off of it and look down and wonder if that would really work?

Do you know what it feels like to tear up every time your kids hugs on you and tells you he loves you because all you could think about is that one day he's going to be miserable because you left him?

Do you know what it feels like to be sad all the time?

Do you know what it feels like to be angry all the time?

Do you know what it feels like to know in the pit of your stomach that you'll never be happy again?

Do you know what it feels like to wonder if you'll die of dehydration because all you do is cry?

Do you know what it feels like to be yanked out of a three month long depression episode, think you've made it, and the next day it fucks you all over again?

Do you know what it feels like to talk your way out of being hospitalized but sit down later and wish you went?

Do you know what it feels like to think you're being watched?

Do you know what it feels like to live in the safest home you've ever lived in but know you're going to be killed?

Do you know what it feels like to slowly go insane?

Do you know what it feels like to want to die?

Do you?

2 comments:

  1. In answer to most of your questions yes I do. Although it must be even harder for you because you have children.

    ReplyDelete

Share your thoughts!