Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Is it Akathisia or (Hypo) Mania

Yesterday was not a good day.

I checked in with my doctor to say my anxiety is still sky high and should we increase my medication once more as discussed at my last appointment. I felt like I knew the answer and was ready to start it up.

When he called me back, he actually told me to back down on it and to start taking Propranolol for Akathisia he assumed was ignited from this medication. As I've said before, I don't take medication just because my doctor tells me to. I research it first, check out reviews and then decide what to do.

Once I looked up this medication and saw that it's going to slow my heart rate down, make me dizzy if I get up too quickly and make my suicidal ideations worse, I'm thinking hell no. I made a plan to go to the pharmacy yesterday to speak with the pharmacist about the drug. When I called to see if it was ready and it wasn't, I put that off to do today. 

Putting off getting to the pharmacy (I didn't get a text that my medication was ready until 8:30pm) really fucked with my head last night. I was suddenly feeling quite depressed and was crying uncontrollably. I decided to call in my other refills since I was going to the pharmacy anyway and it hit me in that  moment what a fuck up I am. I threw the bottles across the room like a small child having a fit and went to sleep. 

I've made myself productive so far today but now my mind is wandering back to Propranolol. When a person thinks about death every single day and comes across an "easy out" such as this drug, it makes for difficult concentration. It seems like a reckless act on my doctor's part.

This article explains a little bit of the reasoning behind the prescribed Propranolol and eases my mind a touch but....

Will I need to be treated like a child and have my husband dispense the drug for me?

Can I be trusted if he doesn't and I'm having a bad day? 

How quickly would it stop my heart?

So you see my predicament. I'll be heading over there at the end of the day to have a little chat with the pharmacist. I'm crossing my fingers that people like me approach her daily so she doesn't think I'm a complete idiot or will she turn me in if I leave with the pills? 

This is just way too much to think about.



  1. 3 years ago I was having the mother of all anxiety attacks. Every symptom in the book. It was being fed by the meds I was taking. The doc finally prescribed Propanolol and I did what you did. I talked to people about it. I looked it up online. And decided not to take it. I was most afraid of the side effects. Now 3 years later I've spoken to people who take it and they say it's no big deal. So maybe it would have helped me out of a rough patch. I usually get every side effect from meds and I have really been hurt by them. But who knows. You can't have it both ways. You can't be 100 percent safe and expect to be helped by the meds. So I didn't really help you with this but this has been my thoughts. Good luck.

    1. It's always helpful when you share, Brandon. I appreciate it more than you know! I'll update once I speak to the pharmacist.

  2. I've never taken propranolol, but they prescribe it for side effects all the time around here. My wife has taken it with no problems, and so have friends. It has really helped them. Akathisia seems rather nasty, my wife is quite prone to it, I hope that whichever it is, you feel better soon.


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