Monday, March 7, 2016

Is Being "Fine" Good Enough?

I'm fine.

Not bad. Not good. Not great. Not okay. Just fine.

Is fine good enough?

Should I strive for more?

Shouldn't I at least be good?

Is it selfish that I want to be more than just fine?

I don't see my psychiatrist again for three more weeks. A lot can change in the next hour alone. 

I finally made an appointment to see a therapist but that's not until April.

I'm doing shit right. I'm avoiding my triggers and my house is clean. There's food in the refrigerator and a meal on the table every night. I'm going to bed wicked early and actually sleeping. I'm dragging to my ass to work each day. Things at home are okay (it's better than fine, at least). 

One thing that is truly off right now are my eating habits. I cannot stop putting food in my mouth. I'm starving all the time. It's a rare occasion that I finally feel full. This can't be my mental health medication (nothing's changed). It's quite possible that my hypothyroidism took a turn and went to hyperthyroidism for now but I can't see how that would happen. I'm eating and I'm not gaining so it's the only explanation. If it keeps up I'll get my blood drawn, but I just had it tested in January and my levels are holding steady in the normal range. 

It's always something.

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