Thursday, March 10, 2016

Sleep Can't Fix This Kind of Tired

I'm sitting here caught between wanting to punch someone in the face and having a breakdown where, if I do, the tears will not stop coming. 

I go to sleep every night with a headache and I wake up every morning with my head still throbbing. I've never had migraines so I have nothing to compare it to and MAN, do I feel sorry for those people.

All I want to do, all the time, is close my eyes and sleep. It's because I'M SO FUCKING TIRED and no matter how much rest I get (upwards of 9 hours a night) I'm never satisfied. 

OH THE FUCKING HUNGER! Allow me to give you an example of all the shit I've eaten between 8-12 today (and I'm not gaining ANY weight, I'm just that fucking hungry):

  • 2 bagels from Einstein's loaded with cream cheese (I bought 1 for tomorrow but I was still hungry after the first so I ate the second)
  • 2 packages of mini Entenmann's coffee cakes (because apparently 1 of anything isn't enough right now)
  • 1 giant sandwich with roast beef and turkey with all the trimmings from Jimmy John's
  • 2 10 oz cups of coffee (I know the caffeine isn't good for my mental health but I need something other than ibuprofen to take the edge off this headache)
  • Water
I'm sitting here drinking down my third cup of coffee because THIS FUCKING HEADACHE and HOLY SHIT I'M STILL TIRED. 

I just swallowed an Ativan.

The only thing that can ever snap me out of this kind of mixed episode is mutilating my own body and I'm trying really hard not to think about the razor in my purse. 

I fucking suck. 


  1. You don't suck, but BP does. We just have to learn to live with it. One thing that has always helped me was this from the Hypocratic Oath, "First, do no harm". Not to yourself, or anybody else. Have a loved one take the razor out of your purse and get rid of it, as well as any others in the house. And don't buy anymore due to the fact that you may harm yourself.
    Talk to your doc about the headaches. They can be crippling.
    Look into digestive health, talk to a nutritionist. If you live near a Vitamin Cottage-Natural Grocer they have nutritionists that work there in the store. Look into food enzymes, probiotics, vitamins and minerals. Why? Because the more you know about how your body works with food, the less likely you'll be to make bad choices with food.
    Good luck. And you don't suck.

    1. I do need to take better care of myself. It's hard to do when you just don't care anymore. I value your opinions, Brandon. Thank you for always taking the time!

  2. I'm sitting here drinking down my third cup of coffee because THIS FUCKING HEADACHE and HOLY SHIT I'M STILL TIRED. snoring mouth piece


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