Friday, April 8, 2016

Snap out of it! Fuck you!

Just smile!

Think positive thoughts!

Snap out of it!

This is the kind of shit you say to someone who has the blues about the shirt arriving in the mail that she ordered online and it's the wrong size. 

This isn't the kind of shit you say to someone who is battling an illness that keeps her from being happy most of the time.

I'll just put this out're not sure what to say to me? Then either go with silence or send over a smiley face or a heart. 

I appreciate the many of you who have reached out to me over the last few weeks. I really do. It shows me how many lives I've touched and who has noticed my absence. 

What's happening now? My body is adjusting to new medication. When I was in the hospital I came off my old medication cold turkey with the thinking that ECT on top of adding new meds would help combat withdrawal. It actually worked. I wouldn't recommend going this route to anyone, however. 

I don't normally list medication names here but in this case I'm going to. I'm back on Lithium. The drug tends to work for me but it changes the way anything I put into my mouth tastes. Last night I sat down to a beautiful plate of spaghetti. It tasted like I was gargling a mouthful of pennies. Yum. 

I can't say that the Lithium and new antidepressant are working yet but it's still early. The waiting is the hardest.

I'm seeing my new therapist on Tuesday. 

I have yet to see my psychiatrist since leaving the hospital. I imagine that'll happen at some point next week too. 

I hate to admit it but my hope is dwindling. 


  1. I sympathize on the taste thing, I took a different med for years that messed with my taste. I got used to it, but now that I'm not taking it anymore, I'm much happier about my sense of taste. I miss how well the med worked, but I had to stop it due to side effects. I'm wishing you the best on feeling better with the changes.

  2. Having these mental illnesses forces us to live lives filled with indignities. It's humiliating and frustrating. The only way I can live this way is to humble myself. To get fulfillment from doing what I can for others, however little that may be. I still have to deal with the illness, but humility makes this somewhat easier. And I couldn't live this way without the help that God gives me. I have learned to look at my illness as evidence that the worlld has been corrupted by sin. Our bodies show this corruption in the physical, emotional, and mental problems we have. I know it's not our fault. God loves us. We just have to learn to live and love. Just follow Jesus if you want to learn to suffer and live and love.


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