Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Less Than Zero

I'm all alone in my office, unable to focus on any actual work I should be doing. I'll just end up doing it over later anyway. 

I had my intake appointment yesterday to see a different psychiatrist. I'm desperate for a second opinion. December 5th is the date to remember. 

I have less than zero interest in anything. I do things to pass the time and that's it. One day to the next until it's over. 

Work can kiss my ass. Going home and cooking after work can kiss my ass. Activities like watching TV and knitting just to pass the time until I can go to bed can kiss my ass. Sleeping can kiss my ass. Waking up for a new day to do that shit all over again? It can kiss my ass too. 

I'm at the lowest of lows. You know that place where you, with absolute certainty, know you won't crawl out of again. Why do I say that? Because one of these days that will be true. 

Last week it snowed for the first time this season. It was cold and the white dust was blowing everywhere and I was so happy. Today it's snowing and I could care less. 

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm just talking in circles. Please don't comment to tell me how strong I am or how this too shall pass. Just don't. Without sounding like a complete bitch, I don't care. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Testing the Arts

The words don't come as easy as they once did. In my present state of mind, I can no longer spin a tale of any kind. I miss it something fierce and have no real idea if it will arrive one day, knock at my door and have something that needs to be stated in print. I hope, though. I do. 

My main passion right now is phone photography. I hate to even tack on the "phone" part but I wouldn't want to upset professional photographers (I do understand the difference). My phone has the best camera available today (through a phone--Samsung S7) and I've been putting it to good use. I've purchased a gorgeous hard-back journal with thick paper today. Over some time, I'll be transferring my photos into this book as a display for me to enjoy whenever I want. 

I've also been trying my hand with knitting. It's incredibly relaxing and mesmerizing to see your own two hands doing the creating, spinning a web of brilliance.  My first project was a scarf. Next I'm going to knit some leg and cup cozies. 

It's over eighty degrees here in Denver. Tomorrow it's supposed to snow. I can't wait to be right below it and capturing the moments. 

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