Thursday, December 1, 2016

A State of Agitation, Distress & Restlessness

Copyright 2016 Pamela Gold

My head spins from the inside. It tries to touch my toes from afar and continuously fails time and again. 

Thoughts race from one end to the other and back. Thoughtless thoughts. No feeling. No emotion.

My legs are in constant motion. Even while seated, they move. They cross and uncross. They sit Indian Style and then not. They sit beneath me and then rest on the floor. 

I want to run but I really just want to sit.

I want to jump but I really just want to sleep.

I want to cook but I really just want to eat. 

I want to write but the words do not come. 

This is the cycle for all of the minutes that my eyes remain open.

Copyright 2016 Pamela Gold

I avoid people. People are annoying. I am even beginning to avoid the people I don't mind so much. I'm unable to hold back, not that I ever was, and so when asked how I'm doing...I'm brutally honest. More brutal than ever. 

I just looked at the clock and expected a much later time. 

And just like that, the anger rebuilds.

I've taken up knitting and not necessarily "scrap-booking" but putting prints of my photography into a book. Anything to keep my hands  moving only, they're going in separate ways of my legs. 

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  1. a state of agitation, distress, and restlessness that is an occasional side-effect of antipsychotic and antidepressant drugs

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Copyright 2016 Pamela Gold

The drugs to counteract this state aren't working.