Friday, September 21, 2018

Health Problems on Top of Mental Illness

One of the hardest things I've been dealing with lately is believing the words I say.

"I don't care anymore."

"I'd rather stop breathing."

"You'll be better off without me."

I've been having some health problems lately. My gallbladder was removed about a year and a half ago and the pain I endured prior to has returned. It's like the surgery never happened at all.

This week my blood was drawn and I was pushed and prodded from here to there.

My blood pressure is high.

I can't eat anything without experiencing pain right after or having to run to use the restroom.

Yesterday, my blood-work came back "normal". I listened to the nurse as she went over it with me then I studied the shit out of it after it was posted online. The only thing abnormal is my thyroid levels, which has been a thing of normalcy for the past few years. All to be taken care of by a higher dose of Synthroid and another blood test in two months.

Now I sit and wait for my insurance company to approve a couple of procedures. I need an Endoscopy and a Colonoscopy. As it stands, my doctor diagnosed me with Gastritis but the symptoms simply don't fit the bill.

It seems like a stone stuck in my bile duct or a number of other things, but my gut (pun intended) tells me it's something bad.

Procedures cost money and the need of having someone take you there as well as recovery time. Then of course there's the time of sitting and waiting for the results. My luck is usually, "Everything is normal!" so then I just live with it. I can't have that this time. I don't care what it it this time but something must be found and figured out.

If ,"Everything is normal!" again, I don't know how much longer I can exist.


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